Go team blue!!!

Yep thats right.. for those of you who aren't on my facebook and don't know yet.. Jelly Bean is a BOY!!!!

His name will be Richard Everett, and he is expected to arrive sometime around July 22nd. At 20 weeks and 4 days he was already measuring at being 13 oz.

He wiggled around soo much during the ultrasound the poor Ultrasound tech had to go out of order for the pictures that she needed and get what she could when she could. And she commented a couple of times "I can't believe how active your baby is!" She also laughed a couple times saying that he was showing off for mommy.

At one point he was laying sideways, then he moved and was "chilling out" on my bladder. We watched him touch his feet to his head, all folded up like a taco, and cross his ankles. When we got a good view of his face I got the impression that he has his daddy's nose. Jason saw it too when he came in. Also once Jason was in the room the baby started to relax, and we watched him yawn and rub his eyes and settle down.

Needless to say Jason is SUPER excited. Since we started talking about children he always wanted a boy first, and now he has one. I'm happy that my intuition was right because throughout this whole pregnancy I've been saying I thought/felt that the baby was a boy. And I had to laugh, my parents only had girls, and now they're getting all boy grandson's. Heaven help us if our next child is a girl!!

what's been going on...

For the past month and a half I keep thinking to myself “I really need to write a blog…” and then life happens or I get sleepy and the blog entry doesn’t happen. The past couple months have been a whirlwind of experiences. The day I hit the 12th week of my pregnancy I started bleeding. Jason was still in the states for his mother’s funeral and I had just finished my day at work. I was “resting” because I had started spotting earlier in the day and when I stood up to go get myself some dinner I just felt like I just peed myself. So I went to the bathroom… and needless to say I had started bleeding. I quickly changed my clothes and drove myself to the ER in a panic. In the ½ hour it took to get to the ER I had filled one pad, but the bleeding seemed to subside by the time they checked me. I never wish that experience on anyone. Here I was by myself thinking that I was losing my baby, the baby that I had been told wouldn’t happen, right after my mother in law died. As I was running out the door I called the friend who has a key to our apartment and asked her to please come to my house and call Jason to let him know what was going on, that I couldn’t think straight to tell her the number other than to tell her it was on the computer under Grandpa Miller. Thankfully the Dr’s were worried about me having someone with me and when I looked through my phone the because my friend was already busy letting Jason know what was going on the only person I could think of calling was Stephanie, Ryan’s wife, because she is the closest thing to Family that I have out here.
It was determined to be a slight hemorrhage in the placenta, and I was put on bed rest for the next three days. Jason came home on Monday night and Tuesday I was finally able to get in to see a Dr. for the follow up apt where it was again determined that the baby and I were fine. In fact the baby was kicking like crazy and as the Dr. said being difficult (taking after its father already). Jason finally got to see our little jelly bean, and had the same reaction I did, fell in love.
Since then Jelly Bean has grown A LOT, and started poking out making me look very pregnant. I’ve had multiple comments said about how my baby is going to be “big” and am I sure I’m not having twins? You’d think after 3 ultrasounds I’d know if I was having twins, but people still question it. Which is frustrating because it’s just making me feel like I’m getting fat and putting on a ton of weight when I’m still able to fit into numerous pre-pregnancy pants. At my fifteen week appointment my Dr. told me what is probably going to be the best advice I’ll ever get in my life: “Stop listening to people. Every woman develops differently, stop looking stuff up on the internet and stop listening to what people are say to you.” Unfortunately we didn’t get an ultrasound; the Dr. just checked the baby’s heart beat which is at a 150 rate. He seemed very confident that the baby and I were doing fine.
I stopped spotting at week 16, and my Primary Care Manager (aka. A different Dr.) checked me to see how I was doing when I asked about leaking fluids, because my OBGYN Dr. had asked me if I was leaking fluids but I couldn’t tell at the time because I was still spotting. The next day my PCM called me to check on me again and reconfirm that if I ever wonder about the leaking fluids or have any questions to let him know, that phone call brought some tears to my eyes because I really felt like God put me here and had my PCM continually change to end up with this man, and be under the care of these Dr.’s so that my baby and I would be well taken care of. Needless to say I’m not leaking fluids, and the baby is definitely growing and wiggling around in there.
On Valentines day Jason was whining about not being able to feel the baby yet, by then we could get a general idea of where the baby was hanging out. So I had Jason put his hand on my stomach in the area that I was feeling some movement. It felt weird like I was getting tickled from the inside, and after a minute Jason got a huge grin on his face, he had felt some part of the baby rub up against my stomach at the same time I got the biggest “internal tickle”. Since then Jason has had this uncanny ability to reach over and gently tickle my belly right where the baby happens to be, and it always feels like the baby kind of tickles back a little.
Through all of this joyful baby stuff I’ve been dealing with Girl Scout Cookie sales. They are over now thankfully, but if that wasn’t a stressful time I don’t know what is!! My troop all agreed that we want to go camping at Okuma for one weekend towards the end of the year with our cookie money, and later this month we will be having a sleep over at the Girl Scout hut to start preparing us for our weekend. Girl Scout camp is quickly approaching, and I’ve been trying to help with recruiting some ladies to help out as counselors. And other than my escapes to the Ceramics room to “relax” and work on a project, that is pretty much all I’ve been doing. Girl Scouts, work, Dr. Appointments, and spending time with my hubby. Next week we find out what Jelly Bean is, if it’s going to be a Richard Everett or a Lorelai Denise. I can’t wait and we are both super excited!! If only the week would go by a little faster so we could find out. Here is a picture of me from last friday when Jason and I were out walking and playing with my camera.

Awareness

At the end of October I started seeing a counselor because I knew that I needed to start taking time for myself and taking care of myself, and really just changing what I was focusing on in my life. I really believe that making that decision and putting it into effect and practice I was able to conceive the little miracle that is growing inside of me. After three sessions my counselor said to me "your homework is to come up with new goals because since you've become pregnant, you've achieved all the goals we came up with at your initial meeting." If that's not a confidence booster I don't know what is!!
While I was in my session today my counselor pulled a book off the shelf and opened it up to the "Personal Bill of Rights" and I have to say that after reading it I knew that it is perfect to describe the overall way that I am feeling about myself as a person, and is definitely something that I will forever be working on.

Personal Bill of Rights
1. I have the right to ask for what I want.
2. I have the right to say no to requests or demands I can't meet.
3. I have the right to express all of my feelings, positive or negative.
4. I have the right to change my mind.
5. I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.
6. I have the right to follow my own values and standards.
7. I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe or it violates my values.
8. I have the right to determine my own priorities.
9. I have the right not to be responsible for others' behavior, actions, feelings or problems.
10. I have the right to expect honesty from others.
11. I have the right to be angry at someone I love.
12. I have the right to be uniquely myself.
13. I have the right to feel scared and say 'I'm afraid."
14. I have the right to say 'I don't know.
15. I have the right not to give excuses or reasons for my behavior.
16. I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings.
17. I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.
18. I have the right to be playful and frivolous.
19. I have the right to be healthier than those around me.
20. I have the right to be in a non-abusive environment.
21. I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
22. I have the right to change and grow.
23. I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.
24. I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
25. I have the right to be happy.

Our Holiday experience...

What can I say, our Holiday season has been one to remember. And it all started back on November 21, the Sunday before Thanksgiving. I woke up that morning and listened to the little nagging voice I had in the back of my head and did a home pregnancy test. After being told at the beginning of October that more than likely the only way I’d ever get pregnant was through In-vetro, I was honestly thinking “I know I’m not pregnant, maybe if I take this test my cycle will start.” Needless to say I was in for the biggest shock of my life. Almost immediately the test screen was filled with two pink lines. I ran from the bathroom to the living room where my phone was and called Jason. He was standing barracks duty that night, and I was going to be going and picking him up later so that he wasn’t driving tired. When he answered the phone my first words were “I HAVE TWO PINK LINES!!!” “Ok… what does that mean?” “It means I’m PREGNANT!!!!” “YAY!!.... calm down babe you sound like your about to hyperventilate!” HAHA.. Eventually as the morning went the logical side of my brain kicked in, that initial pregnancy test had been sitting under my sink for months now, and I wondered if it was really all that accurate. So later after Jason and I made a quick stop into the ceramic shop I went and bought three more boxes of three different types of pregnancy tests. When we went back to the ceramic shop to finish spending the afternoon I went to the bathroom and took one with me. Needless to say it came back positive too. Later when I got home I peed in a plastic throw away cup and took three more tests, for a total of five tests taken throughout the day, and needless to say all five came out positive.

That night we called both of our mothers. Jason’s mom Penny was in the hospital being treated for Pneumonia, while mine was at home with my father. Both mothers’ had the same reaction; they started crying, and couldn’t be happier for us. Penny’s words were “It’s about time!!” We waited until Thanksgiving day to tell other family, and let most of them know that we wanted to keep it a secret for a little while first, because I was only 4 to 5 weeks pregnant at that time. Three weeks later, and we couldn’t keep up with the “slip ups” on Facebook anymore, and ended up announcing it.

Fast Forward to the week before Christmas, and we learned that Penny was back in the hospital except this time it was due to what they thought was a blood clot from a biopsy on a lump that was in her leg. That happened on Wednesday, Thursday we learned that she had cancer, Friday morning (Christmas eve) we learned that it was stage 4 terminal cancer. Jason and I were hoping and praying that we would be able to go to my first OBGYN apt and find out if I could go home with him before we made plans. However that was not to be the case, and because I had told my mother what our plans were for Christmas morning she was able to get ahold of us at Stephanie’s, (my cousin’s) and told us there was an emergency Jason needed to get a hold of his Uncle Wes. Chaos then consumed our lives, Penny had taken a turn for the worst and Jason needed to get home as fast as he could.

Jason made the decision that I wasn’t going to come with him. His words were “Mom wouldn’t want you to lose the baby just to come and see her die. You stay here and you take care of the baby.” (Someone seems to have stepped into the role of protective daddy rather well in my opinion.) So I ended up helping him pack, and making sure he had an empty water bottle in his carry on along with some “snacks” i.e. Christmas cookies that we had made the day before and some candy. My heart broke that I couldn’t go with him, and that there was a very strong chance that he wouldn’t make it home in time. We raced to the Naha airport where Jason ended up making flight arrangements over the phone with people in Tokyo, and wrote the info down on the pieces of paper that he had to take with him. Which later when we needed to try and find him to let him know that he didn’t make it, turned our lives upside down to say the least. Penny knew that her son was on his way home to her, I had been told that the last time she was coherent that was one of the last things she said.

When Jason got to the states and finally had a layover he got his laptop out and got on Facebook, so it was my pleasure to call people at home and tell them “I found him!!! He’s in Newark New Jersey!!!”. I let him know what was going on, that he didn’t make it in time, but that mom knew he was on his way before she went. She just couldn’t hold on any longer for him, even though she tried. And thus our real life game of “Where’s Waldo?” came to an end.

Last Monday I had my first OBGYN apt where I had my routine physical and they did an ultrasound to check on the baby, and my day, my life took on a whole new meaning. Through the screen showed a tiny little baby floating happily in my tummy, with arms, hands, legs and a big head (just like it’s daddy :p) I saw the little heart beating, and the Dr. let me hear it. My baby’s heart rate is a whopping 150. And then my child did something that amazed me and brought a smile to my face despite everything I was going through. The Dr., the nurse and I watched as the baby did a little wiggle of its arms, then stretched its left arm away from its body and open and closed its teeny tiny hand as if waving to say “Hi mommy!” Ever since I can honestly say that my heart even though it was already lost to the little jelly bean, was completely wrapped up into the little life that is beginning inside of me.

Since then after talking to my boss to request a few days off of work to spend with Jason when he comes home, I have been completely taken back by the experience and lesson that I am going through. Life, the beginning of one, and the unexpected end of another. I am seeing first hand, how one life can change and affect the lives of so many people. How the simplest movement of a child inside its mother’s womb can bring so much joy and promise, and I can’t help but be humbled to be reminded how precious life really is. We can go about our lives being careful so that things do not happen to us, get so wrapped up in a single aspect of our life that we neglect another, and choose not to experience things for one reason or another. But it’s those choices that will enable us to live our lives, shape who we will be in the end, and come into contact with the people that we will inevitably have an effect on. My child will never get to meet its Grandma Macdonald, but I know that my husband and I will tell our child how much their grandma loved them, and how excited she was that they were going to be a part of her family. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Penny will forever watch over all of her Grandchildren, no matter how big the number may grow to be.

Penny-Thank you for giving birth to the wonderful man I call husband, for loving me, and for considering me one of your children. I pray that you are able to rest in peace and know that you alongside Grandma Miller will be watching over all your family as we go on to live the rest of our lives that you have so greatly affected.

First Birthday in Okinawa

My day started rather early... I believe 5:30 to be exact. All because at 7:30 the night before both Jason and I were having trouble keeping our eyes open, so we went to bed. Being in bed for 10 hours is very rare for me now a days, but was still greatly appreciated. Jason gave me a kiss and said Happy Birthday while we were still "waking up" just so he could be the first one to tell me Happy Birthday ON my birthday. But my nephew Xander had told me Happy Birthday a couple days before "practicing".

Once we were up, Jason let me edit some pictures while he cooked me breakfast, 2 eggs and a honey wheat English muffin with a glass of orange juice. It was very good. Around that time my sister called and both she and Xander sang to me Happy Birthday. Listening to Xander's sweet little voice trying soo hard to get all the words out melted my heart and made me miss them just a little bit more. Then while I was "cleaning" the bunny cage Jason got a bubble bath ready for me :) Which is about the same time he took it upon himself to give me 25 spankings with a pinch to grow an inch.. Not that the pinch would really do any good, I think I am forever doomed to remain my whopping 5 feet 3 inches.

I ended up having to clean the rabbit cage again because Mimi has been having issues going potty on the floor.. A lot. So to use up some time I ended up mopping the floor using hot dawn dish soapy water. It made the room smell A LOT better. By the time I was done it was after 9 am so by then things would be open for business. We stopped at the post office to mail off a couple Christmas presents, and then went to Starbucks where we both got some coffee. I got an Iced Pumpkin Latte with a chocolate chip muffin, it was very yummy. Then we went to Kadena's BX to do a little Christmas shopping.

It rained all day, I swear Okinawa is as bad as Seattle when it comes to rain, but then it reminds me that we are on a Sub-tropical Island, which requires a lot of rain to keep it looking pretty green. I joked with Jason that the world doesn't know how to handle my "big" birthdays, because when i turned 18 all the electricity for a 10 to 15 mile radius went out because of a snow storm. So now turning 25 it just had to rain all day :p

Needless to say we just stayed at Kadena's BX mall most of the day. Jason and I looked at the shoes and the fashion snow boots with the fur on top and joked about how my dad would make a comment about them not being good barn boots. We found a pair of clog like shoes with really big heels instead that I liked, and Jason laughed because when stepped into them I grew a good five inches!! Don't worry about me killing myself in them, I walked up and down the row of shoes first to make sure I could do it. I found a long sleeve shirt that looked comfy for Jason and he even commented that it looked nice and I put it in the basket to get for him. My argument was "Its my birthday and if I want to buy you something then I can!" Needless to say he couldn't argue with that.

We ended up going to the auction that was going on down stairs in the concession mall and got a couple Christmas presents there. I wanted to stay and see if they would bring out one of the really big remote controlled helicopters, but Jason was noticing that I needed to get some lunch in me so he made us leave and go to the food court. After I got done eating he suggested we keep walking around.. then he directed me over to the "SPA" and when we walked it I swear I had this bewildered look on my face because the day before when i told him I wanted to make an appointment for a massage he told me they were booked and that he tried. But apparently they only had a slot for a back massage and he signed me up for it. I feel 100 % better now by the way, I'm very happy he was able to get me the massage. And when I came out he had some flowers for me. the only thing I had that was "wide" enough was a empty spaghetti sauce jar, but hey it works right? They smell beautiful and we can smell them from the dinning room table all the way over to the couch.

After the massage Jason and I went and saw "Despicable Me", which was a really cute movie and we agreed that when it comes out on DVD we'll have to get it. After that we went to Sam's Anchor Inn and had dinner. Which I ended up only being able to eat half of it but at least I gave my best effort! I don't understand how the locals can have such big meals and still remain soo tiny! When we came out of the restaurant it quit raining.. and we just went home and spent our night watching Marmaduke and snuggling with Leo. (The good bunny)

Its amazing to think how last year we were finishing up packing up our house with the movers, we were living in a hotel room, I was heartbroken because I had just saw all my family for the last time before we were supposed to leave and I had to give my dog away because of her breeding... Weelp on to another year.

The Holidays are upon us!!

A couple weeks ago I woke up to see a very surprising status update on facebook. My friend Sara had gone into labor three weeks early!!! Needless to say I rushed to the hospital and was able to take a few "day old" pictures of the new little princess. 8 days later we had her "official" first photo shoot. Sophia's pictures turned out to be the second new born that I was blessed to be given the chance to take pictures of. If you are interested in checking out the pictures you can find some of my favorites on my photography web page that Jason helped me to build. www.erinmphoto.com
Other than taking pictures of these adorable little babies, I have been busy with work and discovering every day why I love my job. Yesterday we had our first afternoon class, and when I came into the classroom after completing my recess duty, the littlest boy in my class got a really big smile on his face and he said "Ernn!" His greeting melted my heart and reminded me for what seems to be the millionth time why I love my job.

Life

First off I apologize that I have not taken the time to sit and type out a entry. I have been soo busy this month. Mid September I decorated cakes for my Cousin’s children’s birthday party. Because the oldest son LOVES soccer that’s what I made them.

The same day as their party my friend Becky and I threw our mutual friend Sara a baby shower, so obviously I made the cake for that as well AND I was the “photographer” for the event. It was a blast and the cake turned out great  (If I do say so myself)

After that, everything with Girl scouts has come into full force. I’ve been having meeting after meeting. This past week I had a meeting with the parents and talked to them about what I have planned for the year, and how I would like things to run. I also was blessed with a CO-leader who has past Girl Scout experience so if I need something done she’ll do it for me. Next week our regular meetings start and I’m really looking forward to it. I was recruited to have input for the new overseas camping manual for the Girl Scouts also. Which hasn’t been too hard, just needed to do a bit of research.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE my new job! It’s such a blessing every day to see that I am in one way or another helping and blessing the lives of these little ones while they learn skills that they are going to need to use for the rest of their lives. They make me laugh with their silly antics, and shout for joy when something “clicks” and they are able to do something we’ve been trying to teach them. No matter how tired I am at the end of the day, I praise God that he’s brought me here to do this job. I now truly understand why my dad would fall asleep on the living room floor at 7 o’clock at night.
As for my photography, I have been blessed with the opportunity to take pictures of a new born baby boy. Also my friend Sara gave birth early to her beautiful baby girl, and I was able to go to the hospital and take pictures of her on her “birthday” and will be doing her official photo shoot on Sunday. I am definitely busy, and I am learning the important lesson of scheduling and not over booking myself to the point I make myself exhausted.