Wake up call!

Update: So the baby showers went great. Baby Richard got completely spoiled :p I am so very grateful for everyone who is celebrating with us our little miracle baby!!

I was talking with my friend Siggie and I explained how the one OB Dr. I saw told me I’d probably never be able to have children on my own and she laughed and said “Your body probably said ‘oh yea watch this’ just to prove him wrong.” Definitely sounds like something I’d do.


The temperature here is getting very humid and hot. Like right now we are supposed to be experiencing a high of 78 degrees... however the temperature outside is 84 degrees with a 75% humidity. If I don’t drink enough water I get very very uncomfortable. And if I don’t drink enough water I start having bad contractions. This brings me to the “wakeup call” we recently had.

Last Wednesday I had been having Braxton Hicks contractions on and off all day, anywhere from an hour to 30 minutes apart. Then it got to the end of the day where I was feeling a little weird but I was taking the kids out to the “bus stop” to be picked up then I’d be able to go home soon. I ended up taking one little girl to a bench to sit and wait for her mommy because her mom was late. I started having a contraction that just seemed to get worse. Richard had been laying side-ways and all of the sudden he moved… into the perfect position for being born. I literally felt him “click” once he got settled like he was locked and loaded for take-off. Then the extremely painful contractions started, they went to 10 minutes apart, and I called Jason when they were 7 minutes apart. I told him “I need you to come here and get me, I’m having contractions at least 7 to 8 minutes apart and they really hurt and I know I need to go to Labor and delivery.” And like any “new” daddy he rushed as fast as he could down the island to come get me. He had me call the people in L&D and explain to them what was going on, by the time I got them on the phone I was having contractions 5 minutes apart. We went in with in the next 15 minutes of me getting off the phone with them and they already had a room ready and waiting for me. The first nurse who started working with me was awesome, and as it turned out also happened to be the OB educator so she sat there and answered all our questions and gave us a crash course of what is going to happen the next time I come in. Which as it turned out I was in labor, I had some contractions that were 3 minutes apart, and Jason said he remembered were reading at a 60 on the contraction counter. They hooked me up to an IV which hurts like all get out, (I’m not looking forward to doing that again) and got some fluids in me, and that managed to stop my labor. During the sonogram the Dr. said that the baby was measuring that he was 5 and a half pounds, which is very large for a then 32 week fetus. I noticed his head looks rather big (like his father’s poor thing :p)But again the Dr. while she seemed very overwhelmed was nice enough to answer our questions and let us know what was going on. According to the test they ran there was a 98% I would NOT be giving birth in the next two weeks, and I heard her say that she gave me four weeks before I was back. Her parting words were “Because of the size of your baby we’re going to have to keep a good eye on you guys from now on to make sure everything is ok.”


I go see a new OB Dr. on Thursday, because the other Dr. I was seeing is PCSing soon and said that it would probably be a good idea if I saw one of the other doctors because he wasn’t planning on taking on very many appointments during the month of June so that he could get ready to leave… Plus there was also a conflict of personalities between us, where I felt I wasn’t being “listened to” very well and that he rushed us throughout appointments rather than showing concern over something other than my weight gain.


So like I said our eyes have been opened, time is getting short. And soon very soon we will officially be a family of three… For the most part the nursery is ready, the pack ‘n’ play has the bassinet in it and is now in the bedroom with us. My bag is for the most part ready to go, and Richard’s diaper bag is packed. I just have to make a list of things for Jason to come back and get once everything is all over and he’s able to get away to get himself cleaned up and changed, and let people know that Baby Richard has been born. I have two more weeks of work, please pray with me that I make it through with no further problems!!!

Belly Update.

Today I had my 28 week OBGYN appointment, last week I ended up having a three hour glucose test and had to schedule this appointment a week later to find out what the results were. Luckily I do not have gestational diabetes!!! Plus the last time I had blood work done I was told that I was slightly anemic, this is no longer the case, My Dr. said that everything is looking good!!!
I also realized something today, the Dr. I have been seeing is the “Department Head” of the OBGYN. So I’m thinking if the department head isn’t showing signs of being worried about how I’m doing with my pregnancy then I have no reason to worry, Right? Right!  

While there is a seemingly constant concern with random people about how “big” I am I do have to say that I’m definitely not done yet … I still have my belly button. This picture was taken during week 26 when I was at Girl Scout Camp. Yes you read that right I volunteered for Girl Scout camp. I was not however in charge of any children. I volunteered my “services” as the photographer for multiple reasons. Mainly so they would get pictures and I would get some experience working with my camera more. The week was very busy for me and very exciting, and I did manage to go “swimming” in the pool finally on Thursday which my back and body greatly appreciated! I had a friend take a picture of me in my new maternity swim suit, and I promise to post that once she emails me the picture. However for now I can leave you with this :

I had Jason take a picture of me one morning before work because I realized it has been a while since I had a belly picture taken of me. And yes I understand and realize that I’m “huge” but at the same time I like to remind myself that at least the majority of the 25 pounds I’ve gained so far are all in the belly where little Richard is “baking”, because I still manage to fit into my pre-maternity clothes I just can’t button them because of how low baby likes to sit in my tummy.

Today I also went and got a "packet" that tells us what we need to do to "register" the baby with the US government and get him his very own passport. Its looks like we are going to be paying $205, to get everything done by the people done at the hospital. i figured it would be much much easier to do it that way rather than trying to go to the American Consult and doing it ourselves. I can honestly say I am very glad that we brought our birth certificates and marriage lisence with us because they're going to need them. I just have to hope and pray that once the baby is born we will be able to get right in and make the appoinment to get all of the paper work filed. More on this subject as we deal with it.
I do have some sad news to share. As many of you know I spoil my pets and have a tendency to try new things that are "animal friendly". Thus was the case this past week. I had heard and read a bit about the "Carefresh Bedding" for small animals and how it was supposed to be great for reducing odor and for the animals to be able to burrow in it. So I thought I'd give it a try and put some in Mimi's cage, because well she had a tendancy to stink. I did that on Sunday, Monday I noticed she wasn't feeling well and wasn't able to get her in to see a Vet until Tuesday when she just seemed a lot sicker. Turns out Mimi had eaten some of the bedding, and it had caused a blockage in her stomach which made her very sick. I did everything the vet asked me to. I had this gut feeling that she wasn't going to get better and asked them to please put her down so she didn't suffer, unfortunately the particular clinic doesn't euthanize animals except under special circumstances and this case did not fall under those guide lines. So I had to continue to "force feed" her and give her medicine and hope and pray she got better. Friday afternoon however Mimi's little body couldn't take it anymore, and she died. While some may say my pregnancy hormones lead me to freak out the way I did only those who truly know me (ie my immediate family and husband) understood completely. And Jason came home from work to "take care" of things. While I'm sad I understand what happened and had I done more research on the product I would have never choosen it for the sheer fact that if eaten by a small animal (ie, rabbits, hampster,etc) it would cause a "blockage" in their stomach and make them very sick and possibly kill them. Which in poor Mimi's case it did. We still have Leo, and while he seems slightly lonely he is doing well. Both Jason and I have been making more of an attempt to play with him daily, and make sure we check on him and pet him. And I shall now end my book, and try very hard to remind myself to post again very soon.. probably after I have the two baby showers that are being planned for me :-)

Taking a moment....

Its so easy to get wrapped up in life and not take the time to stop and praise God for the blessings he's given us. And I want to take the time to do that today because I really feel that its important to do.

First off Thank you God for the family and friends back home who care about us and love us enough to check on us and make sure we are ok despite the earthquake and tsunami warnings from Mainland Japan.
Thank you for the people that I have met here on the island who I feel I can truly call my friends. They are the people that I can turn to when I need help, people I can share my joys with, who I can go to for advice and learn from. It is these people with whom I feel truly hold me up and wish no ill will to ever come to me or mine.
Thank you, for blessing me with a husband who truly loves me despite my faults. Who tries everyday to be a good husband to me and is so very excited to finally become a daddy.
Thank you for giving us the opportunity to come and live in a different country, that surrounds us with your beauty. I know there is a reason for us to be here and I will be contented to live my life here seeking and following your will, even if your reasoning never becomes clear. I'm happy to be doing what you want me to do.
And Thank you so very much for blessing me with the life of the child inside of me. This is an experience that for months I thought I'd never get to experience, and was told that it probably wouldn't happen. Every ache and pain, movement from within, and new development just screams to me how precious this little life is. Every time something good happens I get so excited and want to shout to the world about my little miracle. Despite the complications that have come about (mainly the bleeding) still I am blessed with experiencing the movements of a very active baby boy. You've blessed me with Doctors who care, and show their concern every time I see them. Doctors who want nothing more than for this child to enter into the world healthy. and again I thank you.
Thank you God for the All of the Blessings you have given me!
~ Amen~

Go team blue!!!

Yep thats right.. for those of you who aren't on my facebook and don't know yet.. Jelly Bean is a BOY!!!!

His name will be Richard Everett, and he is expected to arrive sometime around July 22nd. At 20 weeks and 4 days he was already measuring at being 13 oz.

He wiggled around soo much during the ultrasound the poor Ultrasound tech had to go out of order for the pictures that she needed and get what she could when she could. And she commented a couple of times "I can't believe how active your baby is!" She also laughed a couple times saying that he was showing off for mommy.

At one point he was laying sideways, then he moved and was "chilling out" on my bladder. We watched him touch his feet to his head, all folded up like a taco, and cross his ankles. When we got a good view of his face I got the impression that he has his daddy's nose. Jason saw it too when he came in. Also once Jason was in the room the baby started to relax, and we watched him yawn and rub his eyes and settle down.

Needless to say Jason is SUPER excited. Since we started talking about children he always wanted a boy first, and now he has one. I'm happy that my intuition was right because throughout this whole pregnancy I've been saying I thought/felt that the baby was a boy. And I had to laugh, my parents only had girls, and now they're getting all boy grandson's. Heaven help us if our next child is a girl!!

what's been going on...

For the past month and a half I keep thinking to myself “I really need to write a blog…” and then life happens or I get sleepy and the blog entry doesn’t happen. The past couple months have been a whirlwind of experiences. The day I hit the 12th week of my pregnancy I started bleeding. Jason was still in the states for his mother’s funeral and I had just finished my day at work. I was “resting” because I had started spotting earlier in the day and when I stood up to go get myself some dinner I just felt like I just peed myself. So I went to the bathroom… and needless to say I had started bleeding. I quickly changed my clothes and drove myself to the ER in a panic. In the ½ hour it took to get to the ER I had filled one pad, but the bleeding seemed to subside by the time they checked me. I never wish that experience on anyone. Here I was by myself thinking that I was losing my baby, the baby that I had been told wouldn’t happen, right after my mother in law died. As I was running out the door I called the friend who has a key to our apartment and asked her to please come to my house and call Jason to let him know what was going on, that I couldn’t think straight to tell her the number other than to tell her it was on the computer under Grandpa Miller. Thankfully the Dr’s were worried about me having someone with me and when I looked through my phone the because my friend was already busy letting Jason know what was going on the only person I could think of calling was Stephanie, Ryan’s wife, because she is the closest thing to Family that I have out here.
It was determined to be a slight hemorrhage in the placenta, and I was put on bed rest for the next three days. Jason came home on Monday night and Tuesday I was finally able to get in to see a Dr. for the follow up apt where it was again determined that the baby and I were fine. In fact the baby was kicking like crazy and as the Dr. said being difficult (taking after its father already). Jason finally got to see our little jelly bean, and had the same reaction I did, fell in love.
Since then Jelly Bean has grown A LOT, and started poking out making me look very pregnant. I’ve had multiple comments said about how my baby is going to be “big” and am I sure I’m not having twins? You’d think after 3 ultrasounds I’d know if I was having twins, but people still question it. Which is frustrating because it’s just making me feel like I’m getting fat and putting on a ton of weight when I’m still able to fit into numerous pre-pregnancy pants. At my fifteen week appointment my Dr. told me what is probably going to be the best advice I’ll ever get in my life: “Stop listening to people. Every woman develops differently, stop looking stuff up on the internet and stop listening to what people are say to you.” Unfortunately we didn’t get an ultrasound; the Dr. just checked the baby’s heart beat which is at a 150 rate. He seemed very confident that the baby and I were doing fine.
I stopped spotting at week 16, and my Primary Care Manager (aka. A different Dr.) checked me to see how I was doing when I asked about leaking fluids, because my OBGYN Dr. had asked me if I was leaking fluids but I couldn’t tell at the time because I was still spotting. The next day my PCM called me to check on me again and reconfirm that if I ever wonder about the leaking fluids or have any questions to let him know, that phone call brought some tears to my eyes because I really felt like God put me here and had my PCM continually change to end up with this man, and be under the care of these Dr.’s so that my baby and I would be well taken care of. Needless to say I’m not leaking fluids, and the baby is definitely growing and wiggling around in there.
On Valentines day Jason was whining about not being able to feel the baby yet, by then we could get a general idea of where the baby was hanging out. So I had Jason put his hand on my stomach in the area that I was feeling some movement. It felt weird like I was getting tickled from the inside, and after a minute Jason got a huge grin on his face, he had felt some part of the baby rub up against my stomach at the same time I got the biggest “internal tickle”. Since then Jason has had this uncanny ability to reach over and gently tickle my belly right where the baby happens to be, and it always feels like the baby kind of tickles back a little.
Through all of this joyful baby stuff I’ve been dealing with Girl Scout Cookie sales. They are over now thankfully, but if that wasn’t a stressful time I don’t know what is!! My troop all agreed that we want to go camping at Okuma for one weekend towards the end of the year with our cookie money, and later this month we will be having a sleep over at the Girl Scout hut to start preparing us for our weekend. Girl Scout camp is quickly approaching, and I’ve been trying to help with recruiting some ladies to help out as counselors. And other than my escapes to the Ceramics room to “relax” and work on a project, that is pretty much all I’ve been doing. Girl Scouts, work, Dr. Appointments, and spending time with my hubby. Next week we find out what Jelly Bean is, if it’s going to be a Richard Everett or a Lorelai Denise. I can’t wait and we are both super excited!! If only the week would go by a little faster so we could find out. Here is a picture of me from last friday when Jason and I were out walking and playing with my camera.

Awareness

At the end of October I started seeing a counselor because I knew that I needed to start taking time for myself and taking care of myself, and really just changing what I was focusing on in my life. I really believe that making that decision and putting it into effect and practice I was able to conceive the little miracle that is growing inside of me. After three sessions my counselor said to me "your homework is to come up with new goals because since you've become pregnant, you've achieved all the goals we came up with at your initial meeting." If that's not a confidence booster I don't know what is!!
While I was in my session today my counselor pulled a book off the shelf and opened it up to the "Personal Bill of Rights" and I have to say that after reading it I knew that it is perfect to describe the overall way that I am feeling about myself as a person, and is definitely something that I will forever be working on.

Personal Bill of Rights
1. I have the right to ask for what I want.
2. I have the right to say no to requests or demands I can't meet.
3. I have the right to express all of my feelings, positive or negative.
4. I have the right to change my mind.
5. I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.
6. I have the right to follow my own values and standards.
7. I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe or it violates my values.
8. I have the right to determine my own priorities.
9. I have the right not to be responsible for others' behavior, actions, feelings or problems.
10. I have the right to expect honesty from others.
11. I have the right to be angry at someone I love.
12. I have the right to be uniquely myself.
13. I have the right to feel scared and say 'I'm afraid."
14. I have the right to say 'I don't know.
15. I have the right not to give excuses or reasons for my behavior.
16. I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings.
17. I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.
18. I have the right to be playful and frivolous.
19. I have the right to be healthier than those around me.
20. I have the right to be in a non-abusive environment.
21. I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
22. I have the right to change and grow.
23. I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.
24. I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
25. I have the right to be happy.

Our Holiday experience...

What can I say, our Holiday season has been one to remember. And it all started back on November 21, the Sunday before Thanksgiving. I woke up that morning and listened to the little nagging voice I had in the back of my head and did a home pregnancy test. After being told at the beginning of October that more than likely the only way I’d ever get pregnant was through In-vetro, I was honestly thinking “I know I’m not pregnant, maybe if I take this test my cycle will start.” Needless to say I was in for the biggest shock of my life. Almost immediately the test screen was filled with two pink lines. I ran from the bathroom to the living room where my phone was and called Jason. He was standing barracks duty that night, and I was going to be going and picking him up later so that he wasn’t driving tired. When he answered the phone my first words were “I HAVE TWO PINK LINES!!!” “Ok… what does that mean?” “It means I’m PREGNANT!!!!” “YAY!!.... calm down babe you sound like your about to hyperventilate!” HAHA.. Eventually as the morning went the logical side of my brain kicked in, that initial pregnancy test had been sitting under my sink for months now, and I wondered if it was really all that accurate. So later after Jason and I made a quick stop into the ceramic shop I went and bought three more boxes of three different types of pregnancy tests. When we went back to the ceramic shop to finish spending the afternoon I went to the bathroom and took one with me. Needless to say it came back positive too. Later when I got home I peed in a plastic throw away cup and took three more tests, for a total of five tests taken throughout the day, and needless to say all five came out positive.

That night we called both of our mothers. Jason’s mom Penny was in the hospital being treated for Pneumonia, while mine was at home with my father. Both mothers’ had the same reaction; they started crying, and couldn’t be happier for us. Penny’s words were “It’s about time!!” We waited until Thanksgiving day to tell other family, and let most of them know that we wanted to keep it a secret for a little while first, because I was only 4 to 5 weeks pregnant at that time. Three weeks later, and we couldn’t keep up with the “slip ups” on Facebook anymore, and ended up announcing it.

Fast Forward to the week before Christmas, and we learned that Penny was back in the hospital except this time it was due to what they thought was a blood clot from a biopsy on a lump that was in her leg. That happened on Wednesday, Thursday we learned that she had cancer, Friday morning (Christmas eve) we learned that it was stage 4 terminal cancer. Jason and I were hoping and praying that we would be able to go to my first OBGYN apt and find out if I could go home with him before we made plans. However that was not to be the case, and because I had told my mother what our plans were for Christmas morning she was able to get ahold of us at Stephanie’s, (my cousin’s) and told us there was an emergency Jason needed to get a hold of his Uncle Wes. Chaos then consumed our lives, Penny had taken a turn for the worst and Jason needed to get home as fast as he could.

Jason made the decision that I wasn’t going to come with him. His words were “Mom wouldn’t want you to lose the baby just to come and see her die. You stay here and you take care of the baby.” (Someone seems to have stepped into the role of protective daddy rather well in my opinion.) So I ended up helping him pack, and making sure he had an empty water bottle in his carry on along with some “snacks” i.e. Christmas cookies that we had made the day before and some candy. My heart broke that I couldn’t go with him, and that there was a very strong chance that he wouldn’t make it home in time. We raced to the Naha airport where Jason ended up making flight arrangements over the phone with people in Tokyo, and wrote the info down on the pieces of paper that he had to take with him. Which later when we needed to try and find him to let him know that he didn’t make it, turned our lives upside down to say the least. Penny knew that her son was on his way home to her, I had been told that the last time she was coherent that was one of the last things she said.

When Jason got to the states and finally had a layover he got his laptop out and got on Facebook, so it was my pleasure to call people at home and tell them “I found him!!! He’s in Newark New Jersey!!!”. I let him know what was going on, that he didn’t make it in time, but that mom knew he was on his way before she went. She just couldn’t hold on any longer for him, even though she tried. And thus our real life game of “Where’s Waldo?” came to an end.

Last Monday I had my first OBGYN apt where I had my routine physical and they did an ultrasound to check on the baby, and my day, my life took on a whole new meaning. Through the screen showed a tiny little baby floating happily in my tummy, with arms, hands, legs and a big head (just like it’s daddy :p) I saw the little heart beating, and the Dr. let me hear it. My baby’s heart rate is a whopping 150. And then my child did something that amazed me and brought a smile to my face despite everything I was going through. The Dr., the nurse and I watched as the baby did a little wiggle of its arms, then stretched its left arm away from its body and open and closed its teeny tiny hand as if waving to say “Hi mommy!” Ever since I can honestly say that my heart even though it was already lost to the little jelly bean, was completely wrapped up into the little life that is beginning inside of me.

Since then after talking to my boss to request a few days off of work to spend with Jason when he comes home, I have been completely taken back by the experience and lesson that I am going through. Life, the beginning of one, and the unexpected end of another. I am seeing first hand, how one life can change and affect the lives of so many people. How the simplest movement of a child inside its mother’s womb can bring so much joy and promise, and I can’t help but be humbled to be reminded how precious life really is. We can go about our lives being careful so that things do not happen to us, get so wrapped up in a single aspect of our life that we neglect another, and choose not to experience things for one reason or another. But it’s those choices that will enable us to live our lives, shape who we will be in the end, and come into contact with the people that we will inevitably have an effect on. My child will never get to meet its Grandma Macdonald, but I know that my husband and I will tell our child how much their grandma loved them, and how excited she was that they were going to be a part of her family. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Penny will forever watch over all of her Grandchildren, no matter how big the number may grow to be.

Penny-Thank you for giving birth to the wonderful man I call husband, for loving me, and for considering me one of your children. I pray that you are able to rest in peace and know that you alongside Grandma Miller will be watching over all your family as we go on to live the rest of our lives that you have so greatly affected.